non-stop issues

well another week just passed and i must say it was really a long week for me, even though we didn't have that much of a workload. i'm really getting exhausted with what's happening in my life, especially my lovelife. for the last couple of months, i've never had a complete rest. during weekends i don't get to sleep that much even if i wanted to. instead, we'll try to talk things out and clear issues that we normally just ignore. honestly, i'm really getting tired of talking and explaining things, i would usually explain everything in detail and couldn't help get really emotional when we talk. it would usually take 3 hours or even longer. but believe it or not, it doesn't really resolve anything. :( we would discuss things we've discussed previously. it's like we're stuck on some sort of phase that we had to go through every week. it makes me sad and frustrated at the same time. i'm starting to lose hope. and everything that's gonna happen between us is just so predictable. i don't know when it will synch in to him, what i've explained... i don't feel motivated in going to work since i'll be seeing him and we'll just end up with a fight.. i don't really look forward to spending the weekend with him, coz i know that we're ok during that time and it'll just be temporary. if i'll try to weigh our good times vs our bad times, it's like the bad times is about 80% of the time. our goodtimes is 10% f the time and the other 10% is when we don't talk much but we don't have issues. it really makes me feel bad since this is not the way i pictured me having a boyfriend after 2 years. i feel like i'm the meanest person on earth, that i don't really deserve to be happy. i don't know what i did wrong. i just wanted everything to work our for us. i just wanted him to accept me for who i really am. sometimes i'm thinking if i should just let him go, half of me wants to but the other half would want me to stay and give him a chance to adjust or change. but i don't know until when. i don't know, i really don't know...

after 2 years...

it's been more than 2 years since my last post here... and here i go again getting confused... :( there are times when i don't know what to do anymore. I don't know if what i'm gonna do is right or what i'm gonna choose is right. i don't know if my decision is correct or if it will make my partner happy. I don't know who i should talk to. I don't know who's there to listen. I don't know if i will be getting an advice or not. I don't now if following someone's advise would help or not. i don't know if there's really a way to solve this. I don't know if there's an end to this. i don't know if i could still take so much. i don't know if we could still be really happy. i don't know if i'm still making sense. i don't know if i should post this. i don't know if someone would even read this... it just kinda help letting it out...